I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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