Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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