Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
