He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
