So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
