Only a mothe r could love this liver
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
