I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
