you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize