Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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