My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
