I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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