please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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