There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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