I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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