when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
