so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink