I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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