oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?