i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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