I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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