How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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