Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
