He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
