I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
