he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
why do cheetos always look like penises
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
