I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
