Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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