The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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