i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
