U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
