I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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