haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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