ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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