Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
