Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She told me I should be a condom model.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
