We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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