If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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