Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
