Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
