So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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