i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
