it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
