i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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