today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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