it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
