Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
