Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My ass is underappreciated
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
