she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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