You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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