Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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