JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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