If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
