Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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