That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
pray to the hookup gods
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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