um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
