Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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