i always forget guys have bellybuttons
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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