Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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