if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
