I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
