Who wears a wallet chain?!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
