i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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