I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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